Unaware.

Last week I had the privilege of making my way north, to “The Windy City”. And can we talk about for just a second that they mean what they say. Like, why did I even bother with my hair? I digress. I went because short of a sign in flashing lights or audible voice from God, I felt like I was supposed to go to the Storyline conference. There were the obvious reasons to go named Donald Miller, Bob Goff, Shauna Niequist and the most adorable tear jerking human I’ve ever had the joy of listening to, Glennon Melton. Yeah, I had no clue who she or what momastery.com was, but goodness gracious. All of the tears and emotions. EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF THEM. So there were all those reasons, and then there were a host of other ones that I didn’t know what they were, and frankly still probably don’t, but will come to learn as I process through everything I heard and experienced.

One thing I walked away with is that I must write. And so here I sit. I shall make no monthly or weekly promises but I will be here because I have a story to tell, just like you do. And no one else can tell it but me. More on that at another point. Or actually, at every point.

The second thing I am pulling from all of this is being aware. I used to totally buy into the “ignorance is bliss” mantra, and I may still jump on that band wagon every once and a while when it comes to things like calories and naps and a little retail therapy. But no more when it comes to my life. And I totally hear the broadness of this statement. When someone says, “I’m going to change my life”, in my experience, it’s usually an emotional statement said out of great conviction but little follow through. And if you have said that at some point and followed through, I applaud you. With a standing ovation. I am guilty of making that statement and then my follow through just ends up flat out sucking…a day here, sometimes even a week.

I am looking at this as less of “I’M GOING TO CHANGE MY LIFE!” – and more of an I have to change my days. And my decisions within those days because lots of small decisions add up to big ones. And sometimes you look back at where all your little decisions have got you and you think, “Welp, that wasn’t what I was aiming for…” [insert picture of me sitting in an auditorium listening to Shauna Niequist speak and having that sobering realization last Friday]. Do not get me wrong, I love my life and community and *most* everything/one in it. But what I came to be aware of over those few days was my awareness.

I am learning I often overlook things that are right in front of me. For instance, a couple weeks ago at work I was filling out paperwork for a shipment. I do this every day. Multiple times a day. And have been for a year an a half. And for a year and a half I have been wishing that there was a place that I could put a reference number so when I went back for billing purposes, I could easily match it up with the necessary paperwork. But instead I was creating multiple completely unnecessary steps for myself because all along, there was this little box for a little number that would have made my days sitting in my hole (which is what I call my office) have far fewer steps and little less stress.

And this is just an example that is mirrored in my day to day. And some of the instances may be genuine blonde moments. I am humble enough to admit that they happen, perhaps more often than I would like to admit. But the recent ones are drawing me back to my best focus.

My biggest prayer for me, and also you, is that in the busyness of daily life and trying to find what we think is our best way to get those small decisions done is that we are aware of what is directly in front of us, because while it may be our best way, perhaps is not THE best way.